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For an oversized sandwich?
Over ripe cucumbers*
Those aren’t pickles yet
They will most likely taste very bitter. I tried growing some mini cucumbers last summer and once they got even a little yellow they had a bad taste. Maybe these are a different strain but be prepared to spit them out pretty quickly.
Those are feed for the farm animals or for the compost bin.
You say they never went green, but in reality they were already green and ripened to yellow.
You might have missed them, it happens when they are lost in all the leaves to everyone at some point.
Also, your cucumber plant will now start to die off since these mature fruits were left on the plant too long.
If this was on a garden based site I would be less crass, but they now resemble alien dong and your plants are most definitely done.
The hell are those scissors for???