Monday, April 8All That Matters



View Reddit by peridemonView Source


  • JimmerAteMyPasta

    I love that they just throw in “perchance” at random points, as the only word in the sentence. Like, ahh yes, ill add a little spice to my literary gumbo

  • Frenetic_Platypus

    Strangely, it’s the simple “stop” under crushing turts all day that killed me. You can really taste the desperation. Perchance.

  • BettyBob420

    Dr Pepper was a real person… Confederate surgeon. Nothing like a tasty soda pop after getting your leg sawed off without anesthesia.

  • Succulentmeditator

    You may laugh, but I once got a B (was told it would have been an A if I’d selected a proper metaphor as the analysis was spot on) on a 400 level Phil. course paper where the assignment was to do an analysis of a metaphor in the manner of John Searle’s linguistic philosophy. I titled it “Dave is Fucking Nuts” and pasted the label of a creamy peanut butter jar on the cover page – it was just too funny to pass up.

  • Errorfull

    I love the line about being able to buy lives and death merely being a tax, while killing others, and the teachers just goes


  • Xenton

    For those who aren’t aware, which seems to be about 90% of comments judging by the number of people who want to read “the rest”.

    This is a “fake” comedy piece written by Phil Jamesson.

    Not to dismiss it as funny, it’s just good to know where something comes from when OP forgets to source and forgets to mention that it’s satire.

  • Swankspank

    Although the association isn’t clear, the classic Nintendo avatar, Mario represents the 1%. Despite being a global cultural icon, his indiscriminate obliteration of turtle-kind condemns him to being little more than a genocidal fascist. It is not depicted obviously in the media form that he inhabits, but those turtles are the wage slave(or worse) workers making his blue suspenders and flashy hat. Mario perceives his adversaries(turtle-kind) as not working hard or fast enough to his liking and exerts his 1% influence in the form of indiscriminately jump stomping on their backs to increase their efficiency. Its no wonder his would-be girlfriend is regularly kidnapped in a vain effort to enact real change by these terrorist shells.

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