Friday, September 23All That Matters

Why Self Help will not fix your life

Why Self Help will not fix your life

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  • Accomplished-Unit135

    I remember reading how to win friends and influence people in Uni, it felt so superficial and fake. Most of the self improvement content is like this, if you want to get better at something you just have to go for it.

  • JustJohn8

    There is a lot of good self help material out there and it’s like anything else – take what you find helpful and leave the rest behind.

  • Gazboolean

    The part most people miss with self-help is the ‘self’ part.

    In almost any self-help book there will be some genuinely useful stuff but at the end of the day **you** have to reflect on them, put them into practice, and actually internalise them.

    I have a friend who reads so many self-help books and brings them up all the time. They definitely don’t practice what they preach though.

    They’ll read a book, feel good about themselves, and then live the same life they did before.

  • Mds_02

    Yeah, all I can think of is a line from Buffy the Vampire Slayer:

    “You’re like Tony Robbins if he were a big, scary, Frankenstein-looking… You’re *exactly* like Tony Robbins.”

  • bonafidelife

    Sort of a false dichotomy right? It not about reading self-help books OR talking action. The thing is doing BOTH.

    Better ideas are good. Action is good. Both is awesome.♥️

  • viridisNZ

    I can feel this guy reading a script in this video.

    Their voice maybe needs softening, something to naturalise it so it flows better. Otherwise it sounds like a high schooler forced to read a speech for class.

  • AceTygraQueen

    Another unintentionall side effect of the self help movement is how it can encourage narcissistic behavior.

    The downvotes just proved my point!

  • prydaone

    “This 22 year old quit his job and is now making $120,000 per month as a side hustle. AND he’s only working 4 hours a week.” – My Google feed.

  • 6_string_Bling

    Honestly, folks – Just get a hobby. Do something that’s got a learning curve (and slowly improve), and isn’t just consumption.

    Nothing makes you feel more successful than actually being successful at something (Learning a music instrument, painting a picture, doing some sports, etc).

    Getting a hobby won’t solve all of your problems (social, financial, romantic, etc.), but it will absolutely make you feel more valuable…. It may even, as a side benefit, help out with those other areas in life (hobbies tend to be social things, etc).

  • madmaxextra

    This is complete crap because he generalizes all self help as one thing. It’s not. There’s no shortage of scams and conmen in the industry but there are also people preaching good things.

    There’s a massive barrier between someone who knows how to live life well and someone who wants to learn how to do it IMO. The things that make you happy and fulfilled require work done at the irrational level (e.g. motivation, gratitude, humility, diligence). Language is a rational medium, so it only can approximate describing it. You need to understand some larger nuance to see the message properly in context. This also makes it easy for charlatans to be successful.

    Simply put IMHO, happiness is a byproduct. You can’t chase it directly except for fleeting indulgences. Real happiness comes from meaningful relationships with other people, pursuing goals that are meaningful that involve both struggle and success, gratitude for what you have in life, being able to live life honestly, among other things.

    IME, happiness follows the Anna Karenina principle from Guns, Germs, and Steel: all happy people are generally the same, all unhappy people are unhappy for different reasons. Meaning, a confluence of things all need to be going right for it to happen, breakdowns anywhere stop it from happening.

  • Elefantenjohn

    this vid is kinda lame and full of fallacies. Obviously, all of these books’ goal is to take action


    Said doesn’t mean heard. Heard doesn’t mean understood. Understood doesn’t mean agreed. Agreed doesn’t mean applied. And only applied knowledge is power

  • respondin2u

    Self help requires discipline. Discipline is 90% of the effort it takes to pull yourself out of whatever hole you might be in.

    The other 10% is luck, opportunities, who you know, timing, etc. I know many people who have a lot of this but lack the other 90% of the equation and just flounder through life. I also know people who have a lot of hard work ethic and just haven’t found a break yet.

  • repwin1

    I think most self help is B.S. but not all of it is. I also think a lot of people get self help books expecting them to read like a cook book that tells you every little thing you need to do to be successful.

  • Swing-Prize

    this video is just a self help video too? all self help books I saw was about doing things and not about thinking doing something. if you read those books, you were missing balls to begin with.

  • siquinte1

    there’s value in reading self help, some % it’s bullshit of course and maybe not the most efficient way of learning but there’s value in sitting and reading.

    I read that how to influence people book and i hated it, but it doesn’t mean that i didn’t get anything out of it.

    This feels way to black and white, look, i read the bullet journal method but it doesn’t mean that i’m trapped in a vicious circle of trying to optimize every second of my life. I just read, pick what’s useful and continue trying to better myself.

    Maybe some people will feel like that but it doesn’t mean that self help wont help, it you know how to approach it and put the time in yes, it will help, it’s been life changing for me, in the long run… not in 1 book like you’re trying to make it sound

  • Moose_Hooves

    My mom has paid money to attend self help seminars. I assumed they were scams but she seems to really enjoy them, and they don’t seem to be giving her bad advice. I think they’re cheesy and lame but they seem to be harmless

  • SashOfTopatoes

    Not sure if OP is the content producer here but if so:

    Holy crap dude. You’re a badly out of shape, poorly spoken nobody with a terrible haircut and you are also stupid enough to believe that your undefined definition of “self-help” “doesn’t work”. You literally contradict yourself multiple times when you say things like “it didn’t help MUCH”.

    You seem to be shitting on learning itself. What are books but people trying to teach other people things. Then you blame those people for your own life not being amazing. That is pathetic dude.

    Not only that but you use language that makes everyone who has ever written any book that has something to learn from in it into “the industry” and pretend like they all have this evil covert mission to scam people.

    You’re the scammer dude.

    Take some responsibility for your failures…maybe start with a fresh look and some jogging? Holy shit man…I can’t even with you.

    I mean you took the most popular self help book of the 1900s and said “i didn’t get much out of it”. Who the fuck cares about your shitty personal story? I mean, if I had a physics teacher hand me a book and then I told him I didn’t get much out it, they would just fail me and laugh me out of school.

    Knowledge is knowledge man.

    Stop being a whiner and get a job.

  • LifeBuilder

    >>If you’re looking for self-help, why would you read a book written by somebody else? That’s not self-help, that’s help. There’s no such thing as self-help. If you did it yourself you didn’t need help.

    George Carlin

  • safely_beyond_redemp

    Almost every self-help material I have ever heard or read starts by saying you must implement the lessons into your own life. Surprise, reading a book won’t instantly turn you into a superman. “Well then, all self-help is just a scam because it didn’t fix all my problems for me.” I will ignore education, a healthy lifestyle, motivation, opportunity, drive, and inspiration; the book is wrong.

  • mapledude22

    When I read self-help books or watch videos on improving myself I am immediately inspired to work on myself, and sure enough I usually do. I do a workout I wouldn’t have done otherwise, I approach a problem differently in my head, I spend time working on a project I’ve been neglecting. I think the self-help industry isn’t inherently the problem, but of course its usefulness varies widely. In general, consuming self-help content offers hope and guidance, which are two powerful tools in bettering yourself.

  • permanentthrowaway42

    as a sales trainer in the early the 90’s… one who did these courses, read the books and lived the dream.

    They don’t just fail to fix your life, they will totally screw it up. A big part of it is ignoring or pretending bad parts of reality don’t exist. It means editing your thought process when negatives creep in. It is a guaranteed way to forget who you truly are. I took me years to get to know myself again.

    Golden rule.. the best way to make money from sales, is sales, motivational and self-help training. Only second to starting a religion, which L Ron Hubbard.. a sales trainer went on to do on a bet. – such suckers. – did you know he wrote the sales manual for Radio-shack?

    as per The Big Bang Theory… if you seek motivation and are motivated to go out and buy a book and tapes and read them.. it is not motivation you lack!!!

    Do you ever note these self help things are about satus, wealth and possessions??? where is the one one being a nice person with good sincere friendships? That would sure as hell help me a lot more. ie – it’s about greed and the worst elements of our culture with the worst human traits.

    IF The Strangest Secret is supposedly the definitive and early version of self help, sales etc and it argues “You are what you think about most the time”…. then guess what you are when you absorb yourself into.. yourself and focus on getting money. A piece of shit human being is the answer.

  • Major_Loser

    You can consume the knowledge but you HAVE to act on it. If you don’t you are just kind of spinning your wheels. I feel like this video is slightly disingenuous, yes the books or resources can’t do the work for you, but they can teach skills where if used can help you get to where you want to be.

  • JoOngle

    Self help does help, you just need to get a kick in the rear parts sometimes to get started.

    Hear me out:

    About 18 years ago I was laying on a mattress on a strangers floor renting a room, unemployed, indebted and everything was bad.

    I watched a promo video for one of those expensive Tony Robbins motivational seances, he explained in that one hour video everything that was needed to change my life. I wrote everything down, and he even said if you understood what I said you don’t need to attend one of my sessions, and he was right.

    Well, things didn’t work out exactly like I had planned it, and I kind of tore up the papers I’ve written down, but it turns out that I had already changed – my mindset had changed from remembering these simple instructions on how to take back control in my life, and it worked, but it wasn’t happening over a day, week – months even.

    After 3 months, I had gotten a new job, after 6 months I had ridden myself of my debt.

    After 8 years I bought my own first house outright (my plan on that paper was 25 years as realistically possible to do so, because I had a new principle, I don’t take up loans anymore).

    A new “me” was emerging, not quick, no get-rich quick scheme used just plain old fashion hard work + frugal living, no longer buying the latest and greatest – and always shopping for a lower subscription price on …well…everything.

    And that changed my mindset forever.

  • Conrad_Hawke_NYPD

    I take issue with Chris Voss being included at the start of this video. His best known work – Never Split The Difference – isn’t self help. Its practical advice and guidelines on negotiating, and yes this bleeds into other areas but I have used the techniques directly for positive outcomes.

    Simon Sinek however can get to fuck. Vapid shite.

  • Chairman_Mittens

    Self help books are great if you can apply what you learned, but 99% of people read them and say “oh my god that was life changing” then forget about it a week later.

    If you’re the type of person who can read a self-help book, then run out and apply and live by those lessons, you probably didn’t really need the book in the first place.

  • ImmaculateRedditor

    I would bet money that this person would read the books, yet not truly grasp what they are saying. I’d also bet that a lot of what he is saying that he “learned on his own” was also mentioned in the books.

    The only one that can truly help you is you. People out to help those that want to help themselves can only shine a light on the path. The seeker has to actually walk it.

  • Trappedinacar

    Just from my personal experience i will disagree, yes it won’t fix your entire life but it CAN HELP.

    Just like therapy can help. Meditation can help. Working out and getting healthier can help. So many things you can do, habits you can adopt.

    I tried a lot, all that I could, because at rock bottom i had nothing to lose. I applied as much as I could. And most of it did fuck all.

    But certain self help resources did help, and I can say that quite confidently. In all the bullshit sometimes you find real insight that impacts your life. I can pin point moments that had those impacts on my mindset and helped me slowly make my way out of my lows.

    People love to shit on tony robbins for example, but some of the things he said and the way he framed them did help me. The book 7 habits helped me a lot, i learned practical lessons that I apply to this day.

    You have to understand, some people have real wisdom to share, and some will even have had a similar journey or challenges than you. Don’t stop searching for these resources. If nothing else they might just inspire you.

    This guy is telling you reading books isn’t gonna help, that’s bullshit. Good books are an incredible resource. Yes go out there and experience life, but keep read, keep learning from the lessons of others. Life isn’t black and white.

    Imo, this guy is selling a lot more bullshit than a lot of self help gurus.

  • terribletinitus

    “And then you realize self improvement won’t actually fix anything”. Man this video is hilarious. Self help works if you actually help yourself. If you just listen to media obviously it’s not going to work. It doesn’t do the work for you, it’s supposed to inspire you or give you tips and tricks to get started. This bloke lacks discipline and an understanding of what the point of it is. The fact that he had the balls to post a video acting like an authority on the subject… This is tragic.

  • JackFisherBooks

    Most self-help is a shameless grift. And you can usually tell by how much they charge and how white the guru’s teeth are.

    There is a time and a place for seeking help. Some people really do need therapy or counseling. But there’s already an industry for that and it requires people to train, get certified, and abide by a particular code of ethics. Self-help gurus…not so much. At best, they’ll give you a false sense of confidence that is completely unearned and/or horribly toxic.

    But it makes money. And gullible people still buy in. So long as that continues, these gurus will still have a job.

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