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*”I would do anything to get a glimpse of Aphrodite!!!”*
-Cause of death: dehydration
—
*”Let me speak with your manager”*
– Cause of death: high blood pressure
—
(Every time you fight the boss in Hades)
*”Do you just get a new cape every time you destroy that one?”*
The Escapipe bug in Phantasy Star III. There’s an item in that game called Escapipe that allows the player to escape from any battle. So, right at the beginning of the game, go to any shop in town, sell all your items and, with the money, buy an Escapipe. Now, go to the castle, and talk to the king. The king will order your arrest. Now that you’re in jail, use the Escapipe. Congratulations, you broke the game because of a bug the programmers of that game overlooked. Well. except that, instead of fixing the bug in question, [the developers decided to joke about it in-game](https://youtu.be/8IYinsfRoo4?t=162)
GTA and Driver roasting each other back and forth: First, GTA III roasted the Driver series with the Two-Faced Tanner character, a poorly animated character who isn’t very good once he leaves the car. In response, Driver III developer Reflections created a character called “Timmy Vermicelli”, a character with huge hands, a hawaiian t-shirt, who wore inflateables because he couldn’t swim (in reference to Tommy Vercetti’s inability to swim in GTA:VC). But since Driver III was a buggy disaster of Cyberpunk 2077 proportions, Rockstar created a character that can be seen in one of GTA:SA’s missions playing a videogame, saying “This Sucks! I mean, how could *Refractions* mess up so bad? Tanner, you suck ass!”‘
“I’ll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s …one with cheese….oh, and a large soda”
– I know you’re blind man, but you’ve got to see this.
Carl Johnson to Woozie in GTA SA. Clever and stupid at the same time.
When you set some random guy alight in Borderlands 2, and as he burns he screams his last words… “I SMELL *DELICIOUS*!!”
Every GlaDOS insult (“This plate must not be calibrated for someone of your generous…ness. I’ll add a few zeros”)
There’s a small bit in Uncharted 2 that’s been living in my head rent-free lately, you’re doing a museum heist and as you’re sneaking in, you have to shimmy across a ledge and end up below a guard and your partner says “Guy above you, guy above you”
You can then pull the guard off the edge (to his death, in a mission where you don’t have guns), and your partner says “guy below you, guy below you!”
The Part Where He Kills You from the hit videogame Portal 2
the ending of Skylanders Giants where one of the characters and one of the villains just sit there and talk about anything while the credits are rolling on screen. you literally have this exchange:
“What are those big floating letters ?”
“It’s the credits of the game. They show after the players have finished it”
“Oh wow, that’s impressing”
​
and then they go eat enchiladas together
How pretty much every piece of 47’s dialogue in Hitman World of Assassination is a deadpan double entendre. The real estate tour kills me every time.
https://youtu.be/E-d8hB5EsAM
In South Park: the Fractured but Whole one of the loading screen tops is “if you’re having difficulty try getting better at the game.”
That and the difficulty select also being the skin color slider
“I enjoy the sight of humans on their knees.”
…
…
…
“That is a joke.”
“They asked me how well I understood theoretical physics. I said I had a theoretical degree in physics. They said welcome aboard.” Fallout NV.
“What gets bigger the more you take away from it?”
Metal Gear Solid 2 spoilers: when >!AI Cornell Campbell!< tries to fuck with you and tells you to turn off your PS2 as well as the fake game over screens in that game.
A bucket from team fortress2
The achievement in gears for beating the beserker “my love for you is like a truck”
Anyone remember those scratch and sniff ads in gaming magazines for the SNES game Earthbound? They smelled hideous… I always felt like they were playing a joke on everyone, but damn that was a good marketing campaign for me to remember it almost 30 years later
Skyrim.
The first time I saw Ulfr’s book, I lost my shit.
Far Cry Blood Dragon tutorial was hilarious
In one Bioshock level, you go around killing the disciples of an artist and taking pictures of their corpses. If, at the end of the level, when the artist reveals himself, you kill him and take a picture of his corpse, you get the “Irony” achievement.
Can’t think of a good one off the top of my head, but in Splatoon 3 Story Mode, The Captain (who is actually the player character from the first game) expresses their gratitude once by doing the “Booyah” signal that players use in online matches.
It’s difficult to explain why that’s funny if you haven’t played Splatoon a lot/seen the scene. But trust me, it’s hilarious
I think it was Absolution, but the first mission of the Hitman game where you can listen for minutes about a guy being told his cancer is gone, celebrating how good the day is, then chucking him out the window to his death.
Always have to let his audio play.
Ghost: “What has two legs and bleeds?”
Soap: “What?”
Ghost: “Half a dog”
I’m playing through Cyberpunk 2077 and there was a side quest that word-for-word used the ‘In Japan, heart surgeon number one’ bit from The Office (but brain surgeon instead of heart). Really tickled me.
*Press A to demonstrate your ability to read* – Far Cry 3 Blood Dragon
In Skyrim, when you find a blind man who has a book. And when you read the book… it’s blank pages
Most recently it was Doom Eternal with the amazing hint to the effect of;
#Tyrant
Hint: Try shooting it until it dies.
Guybrush: Never pay more than 20 bucks for a computer game.
Sabin suplexing a train in FF6
In fallout 3 when you ask the robot butlers for a joke too often he’ll say something like “my humor emitters need recharging.” Something about that really amuses me
The Curse of Monkey Island, where you put an oar into your inventory, and instead of it just disappearing the character stuffs the oar down his pants.
There’s this great bit in League of Legends where two lovers, Xayah and Rakan, contrast each other in tone when on opposite teams. For example, if Xayah kills Rakan, she immediately regrets it saying something to the effect of “Sorry it had to come to this.”
Rakan screams “Guess who is single again!” when he kills Xayah
“Ready yourself, Tak. That ceiling sounds like it may cave in on us.”
Floor proceeds to immediately collapse beneath them
Grunt being the bouncer for Shepard’s apartment in Mass Effect 3’s Citadel DLC. Some of my favorite lines
“Shepard doesn’t have a half brother named Sheppy the Volus. No Entry.”
“Yes I like pie, and no you can’t come in”
“Absolutely no mimes. There was no box. There never was.”
“You just lost the fight for your right to party”
“You’re selling cookies? Wait no, I shouldn’t let you in. Damn.”
“Needing an ‘immediate margarita intervention’ is not a real medical emergency. Get outta here.”
“You may have suffered a *veeeeery* minor case of **serious brain damage**. Does that make any sense to you? Just say yes if it does?”
[Press **A** to say “Yes.”]
“Ok, ok, what you’re doing there is jumping. Say ‘Apple’.”
[Press **A** to say “Apple.”]
“Ok, you know what, that’s close enough.”
Not sure if StarCraft was the game who did this joke first but:
“Press any key”
“Which is the any key?”
That’s my all time favourite.
Second would be CL4P-TP in Borderlands 2:
“Stairs? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”
Not necessarily a joke, but during the end of one of RDR2s missions, Arthur is parsing out money to the crew, it ends up being a paltry amount as they got screwed over. Arthur then passive aggressively says “we each got…. Fifteen dollars… oh, and a quarter. DoNt FoRgEt ThE qUaRtEr!”
Assassin’s Creed Valhalla: the Kieth Flint tribute side quest “The Prodigy” — the band sings “Smack my Bishop”. Touching and hilarious at the same time.
Portal 2 in its entirety
In Bulletstorm there’s this bit where the bad guy locks you and your partner into a room with a timed hydrogen bomb. You frantically search for an exit. One’s blocked by debris, another is just a hole in the ground, with a steep fall to your death. Eventually you discover an air vent and crawl into it. You move along the vent, climb a ladder, left, right, left, slide down a shaft and after a minute or so, you reach an exit. You crawl out, stand up, look around and .. are back in the room with the bomb, but now everything’s on fire and your partner is giving you shit for making the situation worse.
I love that joke.